for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
