I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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