Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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