and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
