Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
