I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
