I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
