Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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