Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
