I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
