I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
