Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I want to be your penis for a week.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
