I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
