Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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