I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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