remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
