we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
