her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The feeling are messing with the penis
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I came so hard my ears popped.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
