I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
