imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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