maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
