i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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