id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
