I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
