just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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