So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
