Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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