drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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