I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
