So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
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Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
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He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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