About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
