Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
