I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
