i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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