um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
