Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
