Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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