Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
