aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
