i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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