you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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