Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
