I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you traded sex for a burrito?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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