So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
