My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize