every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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