There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
