I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm going to jail i love you
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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