like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
