Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
