if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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