Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
