This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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