it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize