Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
