I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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