I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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