I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
