do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
