Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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