Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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