i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
