Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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