im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
