I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
