I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
