yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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