So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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